Why your boyfriend doesn’t want to marry you
He is inundated with anti-marriage messages in exactly the proportion that you are inundated with messages saying you’re not sexy.. Let’s face it — the only happy marriage ad he’s seen is for old men who need boner medication.
You are a bitch 25% of the time. (Think about it.)
Batman: Arkham City, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3, and Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim each cost $60 — the same price as taking you to a modest dinner. Three of these will deliver 100+ hours of entertainment each and 0 hours of complaining.
Why your girlfriend doesn’t want to marry you
She is inundated with anti-marriage messages in exactly the proportion that you are inundated with messages saying you’re insufficiently rich, muscular, or hairy. Let’s face it — the only happy marriage ad she’s seen is for old women with sleep number beds.
You are a dick 75% of the time: when you wake up, when you get home from work, and when you’re asleep (you both snore and fart — what a charming combination).
NetFlix is $10 a month, and ice cream and popcorn don’t smell as bad as beer bottles and chicken wings when left on the coffee table overnight.
This is too funny! Oh wait, you were serious? Netflix is the way I go until Prince Charming comes riding in on his white horse and sweeps this sweet non-bitchy lady right off her feet. He’ll need a carriage on that so my 3 kids can also be comfortable. I’m thinking Netflix has a long time customer ;)
Yep, NetFlix is a virtual best friend of mine, too. :)
If you were referring to periods re: bitch 25% of the time, this doesn’t apply to as many as you’d think, as most of the women I know only have periods 3-4 times a year now, thanks to the magic of extended-cycle monophasic birth control pills. However, if you weren’t referring to PMS, then yes, we’re bitchy 25% of the time ;)
HIGH-larious and sadly, pathetically mostly true in Laurieland.
LK